I write this at the end of what I think to be a pretty successful semester. For my first semester of college, I moved four hours away from home with the support of my loving family. Moving was really hard for me, I do not have a driver’s license nor a mode of transportation to begin with, so I couldn’t go home unless my family came and got me. In addition, moving away took some time to adjust to because I’ve only just begun to experience the world on my own. I’m so grateful for my family though, they’d drive a total of 8 hours to come get me and bring me down for a holiday, or extended weekend because they love me. I really can’t complain.
Academics wise, this semester really opened my eyes on the stress a typical college student goes through such as exams, deadlines for papers, tons of homework, midterms, and finals. As a 4.0 high school student, I soon found out that college is a whole other world when it comes to school. I exhausted myself quickly at the beginning of the semester by overworking myself by working on class work or studying for every single class every single day. When my first exams came around, I was a mess. I was so worried and stressed over if I was doing college right that I didn’t take care of myself. I ended up failing my first exam along with doing poorly on my others. I still struggle in that aspect, but I know now that overworking is just as bad as not working at all. Now that I’ve finished my first semester, I think I am way more prepared for next semester then I was for this one.
Personally, I’ve grown so much this semester. I was in a really bad place mentally around midterms. I was just going through the motions of everyday life. I remember waking up some days and being sad for no explainable reason. I remember thinking of how happy I was at the start of the semester, and how many new friends I had made (some even from other countries). I remember not wanting to leave my dorm if I didn’t have to. I didn’t want to distance myself from my new friends, but I did. I remember feeling a new feeling I had never felt before… emptiness. I didn’t know how to describe it at first I just knew it was unlike anything I had felt before. I have been through stress, panic attacks, anxiety, sadness, etc. all throughout high school, but never once had I felt emptiness. It wasn’t until one day when someone knocked on my door that my semester would get better. This someone quickly became a good friend of mine from a youth ministry organization called Chi Alpha. He invited me to come to this thing called ‘TNL’ and I thought, “I mean a little Jesus never hurt anyone.” I went and at first I was skeptical; I had strayed far from religion my senior year of high school. (I was really going through it as a typical high schooler) Anyways, I quickly felt drawn back to ‘TNL’ and the next time I learned of a free giveaway they were doing for a retreat worth $100. I felt the strange urge to sign up for the giveaway, so I entered the giveaway thinking there was no way I would win. I was in utter disbelief when I got a text that my name was drawn. I cried, I thought that there was a fluke and that there had been some sort of mistake. This was not the case. Fast forward to right before the retreat and I had fallen deeper into a pit of emptiness, I had completely forgotten about the retreat. I just wanted to stay in bed all weekend. I ended up motivating myself to go and that was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I grew EXPONENTIALLY, in spirit and faith. I don’t think I can put it into words but I can say for the first time in my life I started reading the bible and praying regularly. All I can say is that Jesus is real and knows exactly what you need and when you need it, don’t worry because he will provide for you even if you don’t believe it. All of this was around midterms and all my grades were good except for my calculus grade, but it wasn’t terrible enough to drop the course.
Fast forward and suddenly it’s finals week. This semester has zoomed by so quickly. I did everything in my power to prepare for my finals. Now that it’s over, I just regret not doing more, but I don’t think I could’ve. I just couldn’t focus anymore to the point where I was staring at a wall for an hour instead of reviewing for finals. I have ended this semester without a 4.0 and that doesn’t bother me. I knew the moment I took my first exams that there was no way I’d get a 4.0. This notion didn’t stop me from working hard, in fact, I started working harder and my grades have improved little by little. Here comes the bomb though, remember how I said my Calculus grade wasn’t that great around midterms? Yeah. . . my grade didn’t improve but it didn’t get worse either. I am sad to say I finished my Calculus class with a 69.34 D. I know what some of you may be thinking, “Why don’t you ask the professor for any extra credit?” or “Why don’t you ask her to round?” Believe me, I have done everything possible. My professor doesn’t give out extra credit and doesn’t round unless its would be like a 69.9. I have gone through my stages of accepting this grade and I can say that I tried my absolute best in the class. I worked countless hours on homework and studying. In fact, I spent almost 100 hours on the homework online alone. I am happy to say that I’ve passed all my other courses with A’s and B’s. Now that it’s over, time to stress about getting enough money for textbooks next semester:)! I have learned a lot this semester. I have grown a lot personally this semester. At the end of it all, at least I can say I learned anything at all.
Thanks for reading this if you’ve gotten this far. I opened myself up more so then I would do in conversation about recent things that have affected my life. I’ve never been one to share something without reflecting on it for a long time, but I just felt the need to sit down and type this up. Have a great Christmas Holiday!
Living the College Life 